Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
