You just made me feel so damn special
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
