How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
