the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
