Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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