I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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