She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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