i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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