You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
