you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
