just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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