i think my tv is drunk
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
