I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
