he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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