I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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