JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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