Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
