The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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