i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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