god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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