The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
