the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
