Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize
