Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
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