we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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