Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
