I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
