youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
