So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
