if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
