She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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