I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
