Kiss
Puke
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
