she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
