He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize