i would punch a child for taco bell
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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