But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I am available for nakedness
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize