Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
