Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize