i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
