Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
me + whiskey = a bad person
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Randomize
