i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Randomize
