Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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