paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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