I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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