SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
