I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
