Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
