You really coming over, don't trick.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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