worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize