my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
