She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
