what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize