We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
