The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
