Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
