There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
