Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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