Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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