mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
