I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
