conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Im part way to drunk.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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