In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
