I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
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