No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Randomize
