dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
