haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
