R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
