why didn't you poke me back
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
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