No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
