I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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