Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize