pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
