I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
You're like the curious george of whores
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Randomize
