Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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