The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Randomize
