I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
