maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I love having hate sex.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
