I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
