So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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