I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
