Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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