I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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