Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
