She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
