yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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