...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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