if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
