He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
