Christians are straight up FREAKS
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
You left your phone here
Wait...
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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