He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize