the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
