Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
