would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
