So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
