he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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