If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
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