I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
