It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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