i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
