Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize
