Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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