I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I would ride that face into the sunset
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
