Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
