you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
