There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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