Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
