I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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