im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
