i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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