Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
