Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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