he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize