someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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