I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
