you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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